MY THESIS
I’m a murderer. I plan massacres everyday, a very successful assassin.
I have a number of gadgets to assist me, more than what James Bond would carry for a Russian expedition. My gadgets are generally termed as repellents, ranging from electronic racquet to spiral coils.
Yes, my victims are the most irksome creatures in our planet.
mosquito /m@”ski:-/ noun [C] plural mosquitoes
a small fly, some kinds of which transmit diseases through the bite of the female.
ORIGIN: Spanish and Portuguese, ‘little fly’
There are not many people who would peep into a dictionary to learn what a mosquito meant. If I had some authority to update a dictionary, I would add a few a words to the explanation.
“A small fly (sometimes big), some kinds of which transmit diseases through the bite of the female. One of the most infuriating, irksome four legged creatures sharing our planet”
What does the male mosquito do for a living? What do they eat? If they can survive without human blood, so can the female mosquitoes.
There was girl who asked me about living with pets, how happy she felt feeding her pet and how nice would it if everyone felt the same and pledged to save animals. She explained in minute details, how she felt after the death of her first pet.
I had a ready made answer to her long question, answering every part of her question.
“I have lots of pets at home, they multiply so rapidly that I’ve to resort to the ultimate step, terminate them.
How did you feed your pets, with leftovers? I fed them my blood.
And If I had to condole, I must live with a black mourning robe from the age I learned to clap.”
I wonder what Menaka Gandhi would say about mosquitoes. Mosquitoes are lovely, helpful blah blah blah….
On many occasions, I close my books as hard as I can, hoping to kill at least one. Then I would blow them out of my book, just like how our heroes blow the pipe of their smoking guns. Once I broke a good pen, in my anxiety to kill a silly mosquito.
Let us dive into the most interesting session .The different ways to hunt mosquitoes. The first step is to enjoy what you do, as it is always with any work. Believe that we are hunting, like Royal men and not killing. The final step is to select a suitable weapon for our assassination project.
The most popular weapons include
(a)The electronic racquet.
This gadget is similar to a tennis bat, with a metal mesh. It’s fun and easy to use, people get addicted to this game of killing mosquitoes with an electronic racquet. The sparkling sound gives us a satisfaction, job satisfaction.
An old man near my house is a big fan of Sania Mirza, a keen follower.
He remarked “She must’ve had a lot of mosquitoes at home, no surprise; she’s playing well this year”
And later clarified that it was Sania who invented the mosquito racquet.
(b)The coil
The age old mosquito coil, apart from the regular brown coloured, there are green coloured, and in shapes that would bemuse Pythagoras. Mosquitoes are fast learners; they would not mind a mosquito coil.
(c) The mosquito mat
It was first marketed by a firm called “Good Knight”, many of us mistook it for “Good Night” wishing for a good night without mosquitoes.
(d)The liquidator
There are various firms competing to catch people’s attention. A remarkable one was the marketing campaign by “all out”. They modeled their liquidator to behave like a frog, jumping around to catch mosquitoes. Growing tadpoles is an easy solution, but there is a Catch-22. When frogs eat more mosquitoes, they become fat and multiply even more rapidly. Should we rear snakes to eat frogs?
I prefer living with mosquitoes, for I can kill them at my will.
(e)The lotions
The lotions are widely used by guards who would have to ‘sleep’ in the open. Mosquitoes are hard nuts to crack; the firms seem to change their composition to keep up with the evolution of mosquitoes. Had Indian batsmen learned to adapt, like mosquitoes, Perth would’ve turned square.
That’s a long list. There are many more products. Failed as well as successful and many more to come in future.
May be there will be a software to destroy mosquitoes. The trial version wouldn’t kill more than ten mosquitoes and no ‘crack’ files. Software, even hackers wouldn’t hack, especially if they are Indians, and most of them are.
If we were to introduce a game named “mosquilll”, meaning “mosquito kill”.
India would win hand’s down. It can’t be hand’s down, how can we kill them hands down! Its hand’s together.
I might end up submitting a Thesis on “How to kill mosquitoes”. A book on “How to kill mosquitoes” or with a more refined title “how to kill mosquitoes in three steps” would be a best seller. Any Publisher there? We’ll straight away sign out a deal…
